Have you ever felt suffocated by the things you love doing?
Well, I have and it’s CrossFit. It’s not as if I have started hating WODs or CrossFit. It’s because I suddenly felt a feeling I have never felt before.
I felt mentally tired and drained.
I usually take a deload week after 4 weeks of training. But I decided to test my body out with 5 days of CrossFit and 2 days of yoga, which I have just started doing and see if I really needed a deload week.
That was silly of me because I’m not Jason Khalipa or Rich Froning. That realisation came to pass when halfway through a WOD, I felt funny. I usually pushed on when I’m sore, but this time, I felt I was about to cross the line from soreness to pain.
I had to make a decision right there and then. To push and get injured, or quit and live to WOD another day. It’s easy to say “Listen to your body and quit when you are in pain”, but to do it, it takes a lot of willpower.
I was crushed, not physically, but mentally as I called it quits. I wanted to be angry with myself, but I suddenly remembered that my self-worth isn’t measured by how fast I finish a WOD or whether I even finished a WOD or not. I also remembered that I surrended myself to God before every training and trusted that He will pull me back if I ever pushed too far.
As I reflected on what happened, I realised I haven’t taken a deload week, or even stopped for a breather since I came back from injury, 12 weeks ago. If you asked me why I was pushing so hard, I do not know how to answer you. Maybe I was chasing the time I wanted. Maybe I was trying to beat someone.
I had no answers. All I know was I wanted to be as far away from the box or a barbell as possible. I was fine physically, but mentally, the thought of going hard during a WOD turned me off. Yes, in this 12 weeks, I may have gotten both my ring and bar muscle ups. I may have faithfully stuck to a schedule that allowed me to go hard and recover. But after 12 weeks, my body refused to synced with my mind anymore.
I needed a break.
I found that break and sync again with yoga. I know some people have questioned my intentions for going to yoga since I’m a Christian. But to me, being on the mat is for me to learn how to breathe properly and gain flexibility, not for spiritual growth. After being on the yoga mat for 3 consecutive days, I realised what I was chasing.
I was chasing perfection. If anything, yoga showed me how imperfect I was. It humbled me. More importantly, it allowed me to sync my mind and body again. It also allowed me to spend time with God, speaking to him, pouring out my frustrations.
CrossFit never fails to teach me more about myself and my body and this is just one of the many that I will learn in time to come.
I’m ready to WOD again.